But what happens when our whole world comes crashing down on top of us? The people we love start passing away; we lose our house and our job; our health begins to fade. And nothing we say and nothing we do does any good. We live in failure everyday of our lives, and we are miserable and we hate living and even our own beds offer no rest. What do we do then? Do we argue with God? Do we get angry and try to hurt things, including ourselves? Do we try to hurt God?
The answer to all of those questions is yes. When we begin to lose our lives, we will lose our sanity, and God will become detestable to us. It’s only natural, but, no, it isn’t right. When we lose our lives, the goal is to find our lives again through God. And God tells us that we will find life when we seek him first before we seek anything else.
I’m not exempt from once having bitter resentment toward everything around me and everything in me, including God. At one point in my life, I invited hate to visit me everyday. It made me despise living and despise God and despise myself. I was my own enemy and I was God’s enemy, and I did everything and said everything I could to get God to give me back everything I had lost. Here are some of the things I said and thought as I was going through the roughest patch of my life, and here is also where you can find those same thoughts written in the Bible:
1. I wish I had never been born, because then, at least, I would be at peace (Job 3:11-13).
2. I just wish I could die so that all of this would be over (Job 7:15).
3. My life isn’t worth living (Job 7:16).
4. I didn’t even do anything wrong, and God is still punishing me (Job 9:21-22).
5. If I wasn’t so afraid of God, I’d tell him what a jerk he is (Job 9:33-35).
6. I hate my life (Job 10:1).
7. I don’t care, I’m gonna say what I want to say (Job 10:1).
8. God must love evil people a lot more than he loves good people because he sure does enjoy hurting me (Job 10:3).
9. God gave me life and was nice to me just so he could hurt me later (Job 10:12-15).
10. My friends think I’m a joke, and God still won’t do anything (Job 12:4).
11. God, please, leave me alone (Job 13:20-21).
12. God should just let me work out my days on earth, and leave it at that (Job 14:5-6).
13. It’s easy for you to say because you’re not the one who’s suffering (Job 16:1-4).
14. You think you’re so much better than me, but it’s not my fault. God did this to me (Job 19:5-6).
15. God made me too disgusting for anybody to like (Job 19:13-15).
16. God can do anything, so why won’t he just hurry up and help me (Job 21:4).
17. God still hurts me even though I cry out in pain everyday (Job 23:2).
18. If only I knew where God stayed, I’d go up to him and let him have it! (Job 23:3-4).
19. I know I’m right no matter what anybody says (Job 27:5-6).
20. I prayed for good things, but all I got was garbage (Job 30:26).
21. Doesn’t God see me or something? I mean, I’m always doing the right thing and this is what I get? (Job 31:1-40).
22. God, if I did something wrong, then judge me now, because I know that I am innocent (Job 31:5-6).
What’s God’s answer to all of that? Well, the entire Bible is filled with answers, but the book of Job deals with every one of those thoughts directly. In summary, those types of thoughts come from a place of self-righteousness. In other words, to have those thoughts, we must first believe that we are right and God is wrong. We must believe that we know more than God, and that’s called arrogance. Don’t get me wrong, the pain that Job feels is real and agonizing, but that doesn’t make him right for believing that he is innocent and God is guilty. “He (God) does not answer when men cry out because of the arrogance of the wicked” (Job 35:12).
God’s understanding about life is far greater than ours, and that’s what he wants us to understand. He needs us to make him God of our lives before he can completely deliver us from evil. If we desire the things of this earth more than God, then he is not our God. If we are more upset about losing a nice house than losing faith, then he is not our God. Is it any wonder that the Lord had to send his Son to die on the cross so that we may receive grace instead of what we really put first in our lives? God’s will is good. God’s will is to help as many people as he can, including me and you, but he can’t do that if we believe we are right and he is wrong.
Stay faithful to the Lord, and always choose him first. Don’t hurt yourself and don’t believe that God hates you. He wants you to live with him in love, in goodness and in peace, and that’s how you will come to trust him. When you know what true love, goodness and peace really is, you will begin to recognize the voice and the desire of the true God. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him” (John 3:16-17).